I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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