I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
