There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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