just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
