So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
