Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
