I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
then he tried to convert me to islam
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
