me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
