Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I cannot find my penis.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
