I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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