why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The Olympian is in my bed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
