My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
There's even glitter on my cock...
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