I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
