u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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