Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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