where am i from again
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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