do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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