Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
