I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
