I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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