i think my tv is drunk
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
