Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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