did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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