I can text with my tongue
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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