I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
