And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
