Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
