Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So here I am, sexting at work.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
