Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
