he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
