Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
