Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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