flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
