that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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