remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
