You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
