Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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