I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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