I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
