its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
