omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
