trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
