So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
