I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
