He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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