I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
