After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
