aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
