i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
