It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
