did you get engaged???
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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