I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
