Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
